Back to IVF, Back to Disappointment 

We breaked from IVF from November until February. Took a much needed break which included a Bali holiday. 

We were going to start back at IVF in January but lab closures meant our embryos would have been transported across the city and it wasn’t worth the risk. The decision was made to start fresh in February. 

When my period arrived on 30th Jan I got butterflies! So excited to be back actively trying. Scans booked with my fertility specialist. Well rested, positive outlook, i had a good feeling about this month. 

Upon meeting with my Fertility Specialist Lyndon Hale , I was blunt. I want to do more than what we have been doing; I want Luteal Phase support & I want to do another double transfer!! Lyndon was hesitant but when he saw the disappointment on my face when he was thinking about it, he agreed that it wouldn’t hurt to try. 

I was prescribed Pregnyl 1500IU to be injected 3 days post ovulation (day before transfer) & 8 days post ovulation (4 days post transfer). Pregnyl contains the HCG hormone your body produces when pregnant. The idea is to trick your body into thinking it is pregnant so it starts acting pregnant. It can extend your cycle length and ultimately improve chance of conception. 

First injection was done 17th February, Double Embryo Transfer booked for 1:15pm Thursday 18th Feb. 

ohh the butterflies!! 

The day of the transfer I felt calm and excited all at once. Adam actually watched the embryos be transferred. He stood over my doctors right shoulder along with the lab assistant. 3 men staring into my vag 😂 inspecting my cervix. A very bizarre experience but hilarious at the same time. 

 My fertility specialist gave me the day off and said to rest. And that’s exactly what I did! 3 hour nap here I come!! 

I rested whenever possible and avoided stressful situations at all costs. No lifting, lots of water, a good night sleep. 

Sunday 21st Feb – final Pregnyl injection. 

I started to test Sunday Night 21st Feb. I know the Pregnyl would give a false positive result but I wanted to see how my body would process the medication, how long it would take to leave my system. The only way of knowing is to test daily using sensitive pregnancy tests. Sure enough – the next few days the tests went from dark to light, a second line was maintained. 

My mind began to play tricks on me. 

“Is it a false positive still? Or has the Pregnyl left and this is an actual line?” 

Ohh the torture!! 

Testing out the Pregnyl

We want this so badly that it hurts, and you hold onto any hope that you can, even if you know it’s likely to result in heartache. 

When I tested this morning (Saturday 27th Feb) my fears were confirmed. The line I had clutched onto yesterday had practically disappeared. Whilst my period was a day late, it was the medication delaying it and not a pregnancy. 

5:11pm – Period arrives and my body confirms what my heart already knew 

Cycle 7, Embryos 9 & 10 – GONE! 

I want to crawl into a ball and cry but at the same time I want to scream until I can’t breathe. My heart is broken into a million pieces and I don’t know how to fix it right now. 

Time will heal me, and thankfully the next 3 days off work mean I can do that without worry of this further impacting my life. 

As my husband keeps telling me “we have each other. And at the end of the day, that’s all we need” 

I am surrounded by pregnant women and whilst I am so happy for them and the lives that they’re creating, It is a constant reminder that I am not!

 A feeling that unless you have experienced infertility – you cannot understand. 

We now have just 3 precious embryos left. 

I have decided to revisit my gynaecologist and discuss having another Laproscopic Surgery to investigate further. I will also discuss having auto immune biopsies to test further before continuing. 

This journey sucks and I am trying to keep faith that we will soon be parents and I will one day reflect on this piece whilst staring at my children, but for now, tears are all I have. And they won’t stop flowing no matter how hard i try. 

Back to the drawing board 😔

Back to IVF, Back to Disappointment