Double the Chance or Double the Hurt…

Despite having a perfectly healthy embryo still in storage, I wanted to complete a double transfer. 

My husband wants me to take a break from IVF and help to heal our broken hearts. I agree we need to , however I couldn’t take a break knowing that I only had 1 embyro in storage. We compromised and agreed that I would complete another Stim Cycle, giving it my all, complete a double transfer and if that fails us , We will have the break out hearts needs. 

We registered the cycle on day 2, picked up my meds day 3 and began injections straight away. 300IU of Gonal F this time 75 more than my previous cycle. 

I was in fucking agony! I gained 6kg in 13 days with the fluid. I had to inject between hair appointment and photos at my brother in laws wedding and put on a smile despite wanting to cry because of the pain.

____________________________ 

Previous Cycle Results 

May 2015 – 6 Eggs Collected, 4 Fertilised, 3 survived to 5day blastocyst. 1 embryo damaged during thaw. 1 X fresh transfer – Negative, 1 X thawed transfer (FET) – Negative 
September 2015 – 9 eggs collected, 4 fertilised, 3 survived until 5day Blastocyst. 1 X Fresh Transfer – BioChemical Pregnancy (Early Miscarriage).  1 X FET- Negative

It was because of such low numbers that I pushed my Fertility Specialist to pump me with meds, make me grow as many eggs as my body can handle. I was willing to suffer through it if it meant I didn’t have to go through this again in another 3 months. 

______________________________

October 2015 -16 eggs collected, 9 fertilised!!!!! 

And the best news – All 9 survived to 5day Blastocysts 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

Finally, throughout our journey, we have some good news! 

We transferred 2 embyros Saturday October 31st (Halloween!) , we have doubled our chances of pregnancy this month, the specialists have warned we could end up with twins, or even quads although that’s a 1 in 1 million chance of both embryos splitting, a risk we were willing to take! 

 

our precious little embryos just before transfer
 
The symptoms of Progesterone Support (Crinone 90mg) started immediately! Cramps, sore boobs and tender nipples. 

Crinone is seriously the worst! Sorry for the overshare here but it is a cream that is vaginally inserted (by my darling husband I might add!) and it stays in there (well most of it does) 😷. It makes sex out of the question which makes the two week wait to find out if we’re pregnant even worse! And when you’re not pregnant – it comes out with good old Aunt Flow 😩 and its fucking gross! 

Anyway, so I decided to start testing from 4days post transfer 4dp5dt (9 days post egg retrieval) , it’s very early but the test we use are sensitive and the best at early detection and we are so eager to know…. 

4dp5dt test shows a shadow of a second line 😳, I get so fucking excited I almost cry. Calm Down! I share a pic with girls on my support group and they see the line too! 

Turns out it was an “Evap line” which is effectively a defective test 

 5dp5dt – Negative, no second line this time  😔 , I had hoped to see a pale pink line. But there was nothing 

6dp5dt – Negative 

7dp5dt – Negative 

 

Big Fat Negatives!
 
I am writing this post on Saturday 7th November  (7dp5dt) , I am already crying as I know this cycle has failed us. We didn’t get 2 babies, we got none! And I expect that my period (Aunt Flow) will be arriving tomorrow or Monday. 

10am Monday Morning, my fears were confirmed. 

I hate that this keeps happening to us, it really isn’t fair. We have done everything right and yet still have to go through this struggle. 

It’s been 2 years now since I started taking Folic Acid – it causes me to break out (on my back).

 I quit smoking 2.5 years ago to ensure that there was no nicotine or nasty chemicals in my body for a long time before even considering conceiving. 

We had genetic testing done to ensure our babies weren’t at risk, countless blood tests to ensure my hormones and levels were good/normal. 

I had surgery to remove my endometriosis and cysts from my ovaries….

I prepared for pregnancy, it’s not supposed to be this hard! 

I now face further testing. 😔

NK Cells – Natural Killer Cells 

Further information about what this means can be found here: (too complicated to try and explain myself) http://ivf.com.au/fertility-treatment/advanced-science/natural-killer-cell-testing 

This year, we have spent $39,000+ on IVF, plus blood test fees and genetic testing , not to mention medications 

Thankfully we are smart with our money and have saved for our future so we are in a financial position to undergo this treatment and continue without bankrupting ourselves along the way. We are not forced to stop, I know of couples who simply have not been able to continue as the financial burden of their infertility was just too much. 

We are so fortunate that this process has bought us closer together, we are stronger both individually and as a couple because of what we have endured. Our love is stronger than it ever has been before. 

We have a bond that cannot be broken, an understanding of what the other is feeling. 

We have decided to take a well needed break and head to Bali next month. Spend a week in paradise and allow ourselves time to heal. Looks like I’ll be able to enjoy a nice cold beer with my husband at least. It will be nice to spend time focusing on just us. No work to worry about, no hospital appointments, no medications. Just us & the sun! 

Something else to look forward to is my bestie has asked me to be her Matron Of Honour in August 2016. I burst into tears when she asked me! I am looking forward to helping my beautiful friend plan her big day and it certainly will be a welcome distraction. 

I also want to add that I am alerted when people are checking my Happy Wife Facebook Page & blog. 3 people in particular seem to stalk it. I’m not sure if they’re enjoying our misery or just concerned that I might post about them – either way, nothing to see here! 

When we finally receive good news in future – if you mean something to us, rest assured you won’t find out about it through Facebook or a blog post.

So, this will be it for a while as we are taking that break that our hearts need. And I am comfortable doing that knowing that we have 8 healthy embryos in storage waiting for us. 

We might continue with doubles in future. We might extend our chances with 8 singles. Either way, when the time is right I will be a mum and Adam will be a dad and we will just have a longer story to tell our kids one day. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking devastated and although I may seem OK, I’m not. I’m just so used to the disappointment that I wrote this piece two nights before Aunt Flow Arrived, so that tomorrow I can allow myself the tears to flow without being a complete blubbering mess when writing my blog. All whilst feeling like I’m bleeding to death. 

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Double the Chance or Double the Hurt…

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