I want to provide my followers with a bit of background of our journey to parenthood so far.
I previously mentioned that we started trying to conceive (ttc) in May 2014.
We were initially going to start in November 2013 but after discussion with our parents we agreed to get married first.
I would like to point out that we didn’t get married just because we wanted children.
We got married as a sign of our commitment to each other. We have so much love in our relationship and we wanted to celebrate it. It was the most amazing day and I am so glad we did it.
Our wedding was planned for July 2014. After discussions with my gynaecologist in November 2013 & January 2014 we started ttc asap.
The pain I was experiencing was intense! I ended up in the emergency room of the royal women’s on a Sunday night – and that was mid cycle!
The first 3 months of ttc was the lead up to our wedding. I had told my mother and mother in law that there is a possibility I would be pregnant on my wedding day. We were ok with that and they respected our decision. We had already delayed our initial “start” date by 6 months, we weren’t willing to wait any longer.
My experience of trying to fall pregnant is this….. It makes you fucking paranoid!!!!
Everytime I got a slight headache or upset tummy, I convinced myself I might be pregnant.
On 2 occasions in the last 9 months my body as tricked me and left me absolutely devastated!
The first time was whilst we were on our honeymoon in Thailand, we arrived in Bangkok for the final 4 days of our honeymoon. It was only a week earlier that we had started tracking ovulation and we were very “active” on our honeymoon so i was confident we had hit the window of opportunity for conception.
All of a sudden i was nauseous! I had a splitting headache, spotting, fatigue… The list goes on! All you have to do is Google “early pregnancy symptoms” and I had them!
Problem is there was one thing I didn’t have – pregnancy.
Turns out I was probably dehydrated from 2 days of walking through the Jatujak Market in humidity , my endometriosis decided to interrupt my honeymoon and I have put the nausea down to eating one too many plates of mango sticky rice. In short, when i got my period a week and a bit later I cried!
I hid my tears from my new husband. I didn’t want him to feel pressure. To me, my body had failed me and i was angry with myself.
My husband whilst equally devastated was positive and said “maybe next month babe”.
I put on a brave smile and began the process again, and again and again.
I will also add one thing, ovulation kits / pregnancy test, folic acid/elevit – the cost adds up quickly and I found myself thinking “what a waste of fucking money that was! I should have bought that Country Road Throw instead”
The next few months i was equally devastated, I would track my ovulation, 28 day cycles like clock work! On day 28 I would wake up paranoid! Is today the day our lives change? Pregnancy test ready in the bathroom for the morning – another negative! Then a few hours later i was reminded for 3-4 days that my body had once again failed us.
Cramps, clots, severe lower back pain.
Then at night i would lay down in the arms of my husband and cry myself to sleep.
He would stay strong, brushed my hair from my face, wipe my tears, kiss me and tell me everything would be ok.
I met with my specialist – Dr Stan Tsocanos-MBBS FRANZ COG again in November 2014. He had advised (in Jan 2014) to ttc for 6 months and if no luck then we would review another laparoscopic surgery.
During this time my husbands sperm was tested, it was then that were were informed that his “boys” are 99% abnormal (96% abnormal is considered to be a normal range) After discussion with him and an ultrasound confirming my uterus and ovaries were riddled with cysts – surgery was booked for Dec 18th 2014. We were told IVF was a must but why spend $6000 a pop on IVF if I was still riddled with endometriosis and cysts.
So, I met with my specialist in late November 2014. My period was due on Saturday 6th December.
9pm on the 6th – still no period 😳 and I have sore nipples….. Never happened before. Don’t get excited Shakiera!
9am on the 7th – still nothing (OMG!OMG!)
Pregnancy Tests on 7th,8th,9th – Negative 😔 it just doesn’t make sense!
10th December- We decided to do a blood test at my GP.
24 hours later I would receive the results
My hubby waited at home (I work from home) with me for as long as he could but unfortunately the results weren’t in and he had to go to work.
When my doctor finally called at 4pm with the result I almost dropped the phone.
I knew I shouldn’t get excited about it, 4 negative home pregnancy tests… I still thought they were wrong. I mean I’ve had 28 day cycles for 7 months! All of a sudden I am 5 days late???
When the word “Negative” came out of my doctors mouth my head went fuzzy, I cried so hard I vomited and i collapsed on the floor.
Devastated doesn’t begin to explain the way I felt. My husband sat on the phone with me for a solid 20 mins and just listened to me cry telling me it was ok.
It took a talk with my girlfriend Elisha to finally stop crying and pull myself together!
It didn’t make sense to me, why else would my period be late?
My body was playing a sick joke on us, and it wasn’t funny!
3 days later whilst getting ready to attend a friends wedding I finally got my period! 7 days late. (Turns out the massive cyst inside my left ovary that was later removed in surgery had generated extra hormones which delayed my cycle – why didn’t I think of that!)
I put on a brave face and danced with my husband and figured I can let this make me stronger or I can let it control me.
I chose to dance with my husband and smile.
5 days later we removed my endometriosis, cysts and discovered I had suffered a ruptured appendix sometime in the last 12 months and had Adhesions from my last surgery (June 2012).
I have a follow up appointment in 3 weeks with Stan Tsocanos to confirm I am recovered, then we start the IVF process.
Our IVF specialist is Prof Lyndon Hale – Medical Director of IVF, Melbourne IVF
We have amazing doctors and thankfully the money to cover at least 5 cycles without needing to go into debt trying to have a child.
So, that’s our journey so far!
I just realised how much I wrote!
Thank you for reading.
Shakiera & Adam 💋